out of my head - elise's journal

They affect our behaviour, our choices and sometimes our life. One that's been affecting me lately is a fear of not coming back. I am going to England for a month (June 15-July 19) and am afraid that something will happen and that I won't come back. Things are amazing in my life at the moment, which make it even harder to leave. I am told that this fear is common when someone goes on a trip, especially when it's a first time travelling alone. So I assume that it is completely normal. However, in those moments of intense fear, I forget all the reasons that motivated me to apply to this University. Then when the moment passes, I calm down and remember exactly why I want to go.

I had such a moment last night after I watched "Deep Impact". Not a good choice on my part. The movie is amazing, I've seen it more than once. However, to see people be separated from loved ones, saying their last goodbyes, people dying, the world coming to an end... these things only implified this fear I have. This fear really all started in February when one of my friend's father died tragically in a car accident. I questioned my decision to leave when everything is going right. Everything could be taken away from me at any moment, so why leave it?

I know I can see it completely the other way. And a part of me does. If life is so precious and could be taken away from us in an instant, why not take these opportunities that are in front of us? Going to England is a good choice; I am living my life to the fullest. I am not leaving everything behind; I am going there for a month. Honnestly, unfortunate things could happen to me whether or not I go.

So I have decided to avoid any movie with negative or stressful events, such as the one I watched last night. I need some positivity, to remind me why I really wanted to go to England in the first place. I'll start today with "What A Girl Wants".

I decided to post this reflection online so I could get feedback. I would like to have your opinion. Thanks Jac and Kass for the last comments.

# written by Elise 3 comments

The title of the post comes from a "10 Thousand Maniacs" song. I don't really know the song, I just remember that part. It's raining over here today. Quite depressing. I've been thinking about creating a new layout for my blog for a couple of days now. I don't feel inspired though. Nothing seems to work out. Eventually I'll feel creative and will figure it out.

I am adjusting to my new routine. I work 4 mornings a week in an office and spend the rest of my time preparing things for my trip to England (in about 5 weeks), working on my Gilmore Girls website, and spending time with my guy. I also started jogging, which I find very rewarding. Especially for the nerves. We got this new treadmill a couple of months ago, and I love it. I'll probably go for a jog after I write this blog entry. It will wake me up.

I can't consider myself a hockey fan, because watching the games isn't really something I enjoy. However, during playoffs, I find myself wanting to watch games. Take last night for example, I watched the entire Senators vs. Sabres game. And the Sens won! I was very happy about that. I was also very surprised that I watched the whole thing. Ok, well I washed the dishes during half the time (we had an infinite pile of dirty pots and pans) and organized a filing system the second half. But still, I watched it all.

I do not recommend "American Dreamz", the new Mandy Moore, Hugh Grant, Denis Quaid movie. The story actually had a lot of potential, but fell short. I was very disapointed. I was also disapointed that it had to be the day I convinced my boyfriend to let me pick the movie. lol. I rewatched "Fever Pitch" on the Movie Network and enjoyed it as much a the first time I saw it. I recommend that one. Yay for Jimmy Fallon!

So expect a new layout some time soon. I really want something different. In the mean time you can visit my Gilmore Girls website. I am doing a ton of work there. The screen captures website opens soon.

Thanks Kass and Jazzy!

# written by Elise 2 comments